Get all 19 Joseph A. Peragine releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Mantra, TIME TO FACE THIS WORLD: The Schizophrenic Diaries of Joseph A. Peragine (Series Trilogy), 33, Missing Memory, Vol. 3, Time To Face This World (The Schizophrenic Diaries Of Joseph A. Peragine), Vol.7 (Diagnosis: Schizophrenia), Vol.5 (Diagnosis: Schizophrenia), Vol. 2, Time To Face This World (The Schizophrenic Diaries Of Joseph A. Peragine), and 11 more.
1. |
Vengeance
00:56
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Vengeance
There’s nowhere to run,
When all is done,
I’ll strengthen the sun,
To dry out your blood,
Refill your mind with a negative emotional flood,
So you can undeniably feel,
The real,
Inner demons you conceal,
Dehydrate your lives,
Like plant life shrivels and dies,
Tear all the scabs,
Deep down inside,
Scar up your life,
Life now denied,
I’m your seed,
I’m all you bleed,
I’m the sun set out to burn you alive,
Dry up your skin,
Worn layers down thin,
Shed off your suit,
And let me come in,
Make you feel real,
Real as your sin,
Then dry out your eyes,
And blind you from time,
The time you lived,
Living your lies,
You’d no longer be on the attack,
Then you’d crack,
Then you’d bleed,
Then you’d see,
Not to betray,
Not to hurt me.
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2. |
Episodes
02:58
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Episodes
Marathon mind race,
I’m dying! I’m dying!
Pins and needles,
Epithet, friction, electricity,
Static through my veins,
I’m dying! I’m dying! I’m dying!
I’ve forgotten how to breathe,
Words escape,
Deep focus,
Diligence of body and mind,
Concentrate!
Just tell myself that I’m alive,
Segmented motions,
One is five,
Five is one,
Sensory processing paradox,
Motion picture imagination,
Am I present?
Omnipresent!
I’ve never existed in the first place,
A living breathing organism,
Organized chaos of numerical systems,
Decode and deconstruct,
The universe of mind,
Patterns of trust,
To feel alive,
A sensation of hope defies,
That everyone dies.
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3. |
My Insomnia
03:38
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MY INSOMNIA
I’m so tired,
So tired,
Tired of my thoughts,
Body tired,
Mind wired,
Won’t shut off,
My insomnia...
Wake! Sleep! Wake! Sleep!...
I don’t fucking know!
Ride the brainwaves....
Got to ride the brainwaves,
Waves,
My insomnia...
Wake! Sleep! Wake! Sleep!...
I don’t fucking know!
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4. |
Discord In My Mind
02:54
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Discord In My Mind
Discord in my mind,
Ultrasonic shrieks of agony,
Assume the form of trilingual word salad,
Evoking paranoia,
All focus lost
Into this rapid mind movement,
Disconnect!
Shutdown!
Cannot shut off!
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5. |
Abusive Relationship
05:06
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ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
She came into my life when I was incredibly lonely,
She would console me,
Tell me all the things I wanted to hear,
She broke down the barriers of all my personal fears,
Of intimacy,
She was the real,
Deal,
She made me feel,
That she had the true level of legitimacy,
The perfect significant other,
No flaws,
An innocent,
Girlfriend equivalent,
Possessing the morals of my magnificent mother,
She stood by my side,
Supported me when I made a decision,
As I took her along for the ride,
Through the perfect relationship that I envisioned,
She used the word “Love”,
A lot,
Very early on,
She was miles above,
From what I was taught,
Of what was surely dreamed upon,
She contacted me every few minutes,
Of every day,
She had no limits,
Of personal space,
She hung on my every word,
No matter how absurd,
I couldn’t possibly imagine how she could pay that much attention,
To my random rambling,
Without one mention,
Of my word salad type vocal scrambling,
I just felt so comfortable around her,
I could say anything,
Without being judged,
I was contemplating on buying a wedding ring,
Because she never held a grudge,
She always confided in me,
And sided with me,
When I would give her advice about her exclusive troubles,
She was the one that finally helped me come out of my shell,
Of my personal living hell,
Of fears and phobias,
The many years gynophobia,
In my reclusive bubble,
She could do no wrong,
She made me feel like I belonged,
She was perfection,
She had an intense,
Sense,
Of affection,
That she would convey,
Every minute of everyday,
She projected intensity with every emotion,
And the devotion,
That she would display,
Then one day,
We were driving somewhere discussing our plans for the evening with curiosity,
Then at the flip of a switch she became filled with massive animosity,
She screamed at me,
And my passive generosity,
Seemed to be,
Shocked,
Locked,
Into agree,
With whatever she said,
Because I was frightened,
That this might end,
Badly,
And sadly,
I let myself get stomped on,
In that moment,
For a topic that was insignificant,
In the grand scheme of life,
That one moment,
Solidified,
My imprisonment,
In the grand dream that this was alright,
Acceptable,
Forgettable,
As an isolated incident,
As time progressed,
Her tantrums became more of a coincidence,
Coinciding with her using sexuality,
And the words “love” and “sorry” as instruments,
To lure me back in as her friend,
To ensure me her attack would never occur again,
Small increments,
Of time would pass by,
Then the incidents,
Would increase and I,
Would ask why,
I could not figure out the reasons she would say one thing,
And do something else,
This was becoming detrimental to my health,
I never once raised my voice,
Or uttered a curse,
In retaliation,
Because for the first,
Time in my life,
I truly understood the feeling of being part of the worst,
Type,
Of abusive situation,
Where the person you love the most,
Shits on your dignity,
Self-esteem,
And compassion,
Tearing up your personality,
Your identity,
In such a heinous insensitive fashion,
Then displaying love a moment later,
As if it never happened,
Never resolving the damage,
The baggage,
That deeply saddened,
And destroyed my sense of self worth,
It was the true birth,
Of the notion,
That I had lost my affectionate emotion,
Towards her,
It had all turned into fear,
My conscience and brain would whisper in my ear,
To leave,
To get away,
My heart would scream,
At my conscience as it would overhear,
And tell me to stay,
I was so conflicted,
I didn’t know who I was anymore,
I didn’t know what to think or how to feel,
All my thoughts were contradicted,
By the parts of my brain and heart that she would steal,
And mind fuck into what she wanted me to believe and conceal,
Conceal the real,
Facts and reasoning for her actions,
For her manipulative companionship infractions,
The fact that hurt people,
Hurt people,
And she was so lost and hurt herself,
By things out of my control,
Her individual personal issues,
With her own sense of self,
I truly had my head on straight,
Because I began to see,
That she,
Was not in good mental health,
It was difficult,
But I couldn’t stay,
I had to walk away,
Knowing that I did everything in my power,
Down to the final hour,
Of our togetherness,
To save her,
My efforts were measureless,
I know they were,
She needed one final life lesson from me to progress,
And get well,
To finally put this to rest,
And come out of my mentally manipulative relationship jail cell,
So I,
Looked her straight in the eye,
As she began to cry,
And stated my entire list of reasons why,
And then said my final goodbye,
In the end,
We both learned and became better individuals,
Knowing not to hurt or be hurt again,
With this newfound set of moral principles.
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6. |
Survival Adrenaline
03:37
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7. |
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Why Can’t I Remember Who I am?
I wake, I think, I move, I live, I feel, I hear, I question why,
Time waits, for no one,
Life’s race,
Not won, not lost
We never truly live through,
Reality is an empty colorless room,
(Sound! Sound! Sound!)
I don’t exist,
An impalpable limitless conscious piece of electricity,
Trapped in the speed of sound, space in time, divisible by one,
No conclusion,
No resolution,
Lifespan, presence is the revolution, of escape,
One emotion to the next,
We never truly feel,
One emotion to the next,
Why can’t I remember?
Who I am?
Instinctual motion,
Traveling through time,
Never present in specific moments,
Fragments of feelings, thoughts, never processed,
I hear you, I see nothing,
I feel you, you fear nothing,
You tell me I am something,
If we are loved, then why are we suffering?
Why can’t I remember?
Who I am?
Remember… I can’t.
Instinctual motion,
Traveling through time,
Never present in specific moments,
Fragments of feelings, thoughts, never processed,
I hear you, I see nothing,
I feel you, you fear nothing,
You tell me I am something,
If we are loved, then why are we suffering?
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8. |
Tics And Compulsions
00:46
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TICS AND COMPULSIONS
Tics and compulsions,
Did I?
No!
Is it?
No!
Off! Off! Off!
Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
It’s Off! It’s Off!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
What the fuck?! What the fuck!?
Off! Off! Off!
Locked! Locked! Locked! Locked!
Locked it up!
Come on!
What the fuck?!
Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
It’s off!
Unplugged! No plug! Unplugged!
Off! Off! Off! Off!
Is it on fire?! Is this on fire?!
No!
I’ve got to go!
Come on!
Did I?
Yes!!
Off! Off!
Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
Ahhhhhhhhh!!!
Off!
It’s off!
Off!
It’s off It’s off!
Can I go now!?
Why!? Why?!
It’s closed! It’s fucking closed!
I’ve got to go! I’ve got to go!
Leave! Leave! Leave!!
Ok!
Tics and compulsions,
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9. |
Brainwashed
07:16
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10. |
Pacing
01:58
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PACING
Pacing, pacing, pacing,
Can’t stop thinking,
Love Vs Hate
Which to create?
Euphoria Vs Depression,
Feeds obsession,
Pacing, pacing, pacing,
Truth is sinking,
Psychotic Vs Antipsychotic,
Thoughts forever chaotic,
Chaos Vs Order,
Sensory processing mental disorder,
Motion Vs Stagnation
This unstable foundation,
Mental Vs Physical,
Theories of existence nothing but quizzical,
Complexity Vs Simplicity,
Ideas and their level of toxicity,
Pacing, pacing, pacing,
Cannot stop this mental deterioration,
Communication Vs Non Communication,
Finding beauty in isolation,
Empathy Vs Indifference,
Solitude and its significance,
IQ Vs EQ,,
Which is the appropriate way to be you?
Learn Vs Unlearn,
Amplified voices concern,
Stability Vs Instability,
Trapped in this mental facility,
Balanced Vs Unbalanced,
Recovery and its ultimate challenge,
Security Vs Insecurity,
The war of life creates the absence of purity,
Pacing, pacing, pacing,
The art of creation,
Reality Vs Imagination,
The aspiration to remain unhurt,
Introvert Vs Extrovert,
Solitude Vs Companionship,
Inspires the drafting of this manuscript,
Pacing, pacing, pacing,
I can’t shut off these mental phenomena,
Relaxation Vs Insomnia,
Sanity Vs Insanity,
Trying to maintain a level of humanity,
Strength Vs Weakness,
Trying to find a way to interpret and read this,
Wisdom Vs Ignorance,
Is there really a significant difference?
Pacing, pacing, pacing,
Past Vs Future,
Cannot be calculated even by the most sophisticated computer,
Pacing, pacing, pacing,
Off into infinity,
Life Vs Death,
And the ability to see things differently.
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11. |
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They Will Never Know What I Feel
Thinking, obsessing, over the unknown,
Reliving, unforgiving, guilt from these old clothes,
Dressed to kill, the part of myself suppressed by magic pills,
Antipsychotic chemicals, balance the mindset of dead living,
I feel nothing,
Nothing,
Vision segmented in frames, snapshots of a life never lived,
Nothing,
I am dying,
Why do they conspire?
I hear everything,
They will never know what I feel…
Nothing,
Vision segmented in frames, snapshots of a life never lived,
Nothing,
They will never know what I feel…feel.
Racing, chasing, thoughts… thoughts of reason… the reason I demonize,
Everything I see,
Why are you after me?
Fear,
Death,
Love will contrast, but will increase the will,
To escape,
The inevitable end,
Silence is a deafening white noise of racing thoughts,
My ears spit blood,
I see colors, vibrant flashes of orange and red light,
Vertigo earth,
I feel electromagnetic charges crawling through my skin,
I am numb,
Mind body separation,
I am dying,
I can’t breathe,
I have forgotten who I am,
Who I was,
Who I will be,
I am reminded,
I am nothing.
They will never know what I feel…
Nothing,
Vision segmented in frames, snapshots of a life never lived,
Nothing,
They will never know what I feel…
Nothing,
Vision segmented in frames, snapshots of a life never lived,
Nothing,
They will never know what I feel…feel.
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12. |
Drama Queen
02:01
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DRAMA QUEEN
All of you I’ve seen,
The many faces and traces of the manipulative Miss Drama Queen,
Everything is such a huge production,
Your circles of friends are filled with pessimism,
And corruption,
You fill my head with skepticism,
With your self-esteem destruction,
I strive to be everything you are not,
As you continuously stir the pot,
You plot,
And scheme,
To maintain,
Your same,
Underlying theme,
Innocence,
Know it all,
Ignorance,
Show it all,
To me,
Give me the ultimate undying pleasure your company,
So comfort me,
Point out all of the negative aspects of other people’s personalities,
In your made up realities,
Your life is one continuous argument,
Nobody wants to be part of it,
Make up,
Break up,
He said this,
She said that,
It was just one kisssssss,
And she said I was fat,
What did I missss???
OH MY GOD NOT THAT!!!!
You’re all about retaliation,
For the people that do you wrong,
All about blind infatuation,
Head strong,
To obtain,
Your portrait of desirable fame,
Marching your “morning after” walk of shame,
Oh my god I wanna save you,
When you’re not around I crave you,
Please take me into your world,
UP, DOWN, UP DOWN,
Monogamous then passed around,
Back and forth always creating friction,
You have an argumentative addiction,
To make yourself feel important,
You hate to be ignored,
You crave attention,
You hate to be bored,
You hate to go unmentioned,
So no! I don’t want to be part of your self-centered conversations,
Filled with your “oh my god he’s such a jerk you know what he said? Bla Bla Bla” imitations,
You can keep your army of hard-ons, wandering around you so aimlessly,
As you prey on their stupidity,
Pondering their demise so shamelessly,
Your false sense of confidence is feeding,
Off of the bleeding,
Of my ears and brain,
It’s all part of your jealous mind game,
None of it's true,
You exist out of people feeling sorry for you,
It’s how you earn affection,
From the sympathy you steal,
I can see through your deception,
Because I earn affection by being real.
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13. |
This Is Not My Home
08:38
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14. |
The Art Of Recovery
03:41
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