She came into my life when I was incredibly lonely,
She would console me,
Tell me all the things I wanted to hear,
She broke down the barriers of all my personal fears,
Of intimacy,
She was the real,
Deal,
She made me feel,
That she had the true level of legitimacy,
The perfect significant other,
No flaws,
An innocent,
Girlfriend equivalent,
Possessing the morals of my magnificent mother,
She stood by my side,
Supported me when I made a decision,
As I took her along for the ride,
Through the perfect relationship that I envisioned,
She used the word “Love”,
A lot,
Very early on,
She was miles above,
From what I was taught,
Of what was surely dreamed upon,
She contacted me every few minutes,
Of every day,
She had no limits,
Of personal space,
She hung on my every word,
No matter how absurd,
I couldn’t possibly imagine how she could pay that much attention,
To my random rambling,
Without one mention,
Of my word salad type vocal scrambling,
I just felt so comfortable around her,
I could say anything,
Without being judged,
I was contemplating on buying a wedding ring,
Because she never held a grudge,
She always confided in me,
And sided with me,
When I would give her advice about her exclusive troubles,
She was the one that finally helped me come out of my shell,
Of my personal living hell,
Of fears and phobias,
The many years gynophobia,
In my reclusive bubble,
She could do no wrong,
She made me feel like I belonged,
She was perfection,
She had an intense,
Sense,
Of affection,
That she would convey,
Every minute of everyday,
She projected intensity with every emotion,
And the devotion,
That she would display,
Then one day,
We were driving somewhere discussing our plans for the evening with curiosity,
Then at the flip of a switch she became filled with massive animosity,
She screamed at me,
And my passive generosity,
Seemed to be,
Shocked,
Locked,
Into agree,
With whatever she said,
Because I was frightened,
That this might end,
Badly,
And sadly,
I let myself get stomped on,
In that moment,
For a topic that was insignificant,
In the grand scheme of life,
That one moment,
Solidified,
My imprisonment,
In the grand dream that this was alright,
Acceptable,
Forgettable,
As an isolated incident,
As time progressed,
Her tantrums became more of a coincidence,
Coinciding with her using sexuality,
And the words “love” and “sorry” as instruments,
To lure me back in as her friend,
To ensure me her attack would never occur again,
Small increments,
Of time would pass by,
Then the incidents,
Would increase and I,
Would ask why,
I could not figure out the reasons she would say one thing,
And do something else,
This was becoming detrimental to my health,
I never once raised my voice,
Or uttered a curse,
In retaliation,
Because for the first,
Time in my life,
I truly understood the feeling of being part of the worst,
Type,
Of abusive situation,
Where the person you love the most,
Shits on your dignity,
Self-esteem,
And compassion,
Tearing up your personality,
Your identity,
In such a heinous insensitive fashion,
Then displaying love a moment later,
As if it never happened,
Never resolving the damage,
The baggage,
That deeply saddened,
And destroyed my sense of self worth,
It was the true birth,
Of the notion,
That I had lost my affectionate emotion,
Towards her,
It had all turned into fear,
My conscience and brain would whisper in my ear,
To leave,
To get away,
My heart would scream,
At my conscience as it would overhear,
And tell me to stay,
I was so conflicted,
I didn’t know who I was anymore,
I didn’t know what to think or how to feel,
All my thoughts were contradicted,
By the parts of my brain and heart that she would steal,
And mind fuck into what she wanted me to believe and conceal,
Conceal the real,
Facts and reasoning for her actions,
For her manipulative companionship infractions,
The fact that hurt people,
Hurt people,
And she was so lost and hurt herself,
By things out of my control,
Her individual personal issues,
With her own sense of self,
I truly had my head on straight,
Because I began to see,
That she,
Was not in good mental health,
It was difficult,
But I couldn’t stay,
I had to walk away,
Knowing that I did everything in my power,
Down to the final hour,
Of our togetherness,
To save her,
My efforts were measureless,
I know they were,
She needed one final life lesson from me to progress,
And get well,
To finally put this to rest,
And come out of my mentally manipulative relationship jail cell,
So I,
Looked her straight in the eye,
As she began to cry,
And stated my entire list of reasons why,
And then said my final goodbye,
In the end,
We both learned and became better individuals,
Knowing not to hurt or be hurt again,
With this newfound set of moral principles.
Pioneering Rhode Island mathcore legends follow up their first album in 21 years with a head-spinning four-track EP. Bandcamp New & Notable Mar 17, 2024
Ukrainian band The Nietzsche pair blistering 100-ton hard rock riffs with arena-scraping melodies in these volcanic songs. Bandcamp New & Notable Aug 6, 2022
